Here it is: lately I suck. I feel angry and cranky, and moody. I’m coming off a very low dose of an anti-depressant. I’m not sure when I stopped needing this anti-depressant; I’ve been on it for years and was prescribed it for irritability. I do know that I have a part that is screaming at me, “Go back on it! Go back on it!” But no. I don’t want to. I know it will get better. The unfortunate truth though, is that withdrawal is leading to ugly ass mood swings. I have been honest about it with my kids, ex-husband and a couple of close friends. “I’m going to be crazy, maybe for a few more weeks. I’m not sure.” If only you could see the fear in their eyes…
So I was grumpy today. Mad af. I yelled at my son about not doing his homework correctly. I yelled at my daughter for coming home at the wrong time, with the wrong stuff. I didn’t want to do anything extra, and I didn’t feel good physically.
I searched the internet for some camaraderie; others who may be raising their own bitch flags. Unfortunately I stumbled on this gem of an article which only made me more determined to follow my plight. I’m not choosing to believe it will take years to get through this, but I do think I may have several more crappy days ahead of me until this settles down.
Do you take them, or have you gone through anti-depressant withdrawal? Harvard studies from 2011 suggest 23% of women in their 40s and 50s take them, and Harvard people who do research are wicked smart. So if you do, please own it. Break the stigma. Let’s embrace it. And if you’ve stopped (weaned off with doctor’s help), let’s get through this together, because I know I need support and love. And I bet you do too.